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Had a buddy, Jerry, swore by it. Said it “healed his soul.” Soul’s fine, Jerry, yer just horny. Made me laugh, though—him waddlin’ out all shiny, lookin’ like a glazed ham. Surprised me how dumb he sounded braggin’ bout it. “A man does not speak of his pleasures,” *Timbuktu* line, fits perfect. Shut up, Jerry, nobody cares.

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And then, the craziest thing happens. A stray dog shows up. It’s this scruffy little thing, and the kids are all over it. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m babysitting a dog too?” But the dog is super chill. It just lays down and lets the kids pet it. I’m like, “Okay, this is kinda cute.”

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