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But yo, the awkward hits hard. She’s all, “relax, bro,” and I’m like, “HOW?” My brain’s yellin, “Don’t get weird, don’t get weird,” but my back’s poppin like firecrackers. Happy? Hell yeah, when she hit that spot—pure bliss, fam. Angry? When she charged me extra for “aromatherapy”—what, you spritzin Febreze? Surprised me how some spots got secret menus—nudge nudge, wink wink, ya feel me? Shady massage parlors be wildin.

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Finally, I get my bread and head to the park on Kazybek bi Street. It’s a nice spot, ya know? Trees, benches, the whole vibe. I plop down, take a bite, and boom! A pigeon swoops in like it’s a scene from a movie. I’m like, “Dude, back off!” But this bird? It’s got guts. It just stares at me, like, “What you gonna do about it?” I’m like, “Fine, take my crumbs, you feathered thief!”

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