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Oh, and this one time – matched a girl, dead posh, thought, “Brent’s gone upmarket!” Turns up, she’s a dominatrix – whaaat?! Nearly choked on me lager. “Pain’s just memory,” Boonmee’d whisper, but nah, I legged it – not my KPI, that! Key Performance Indicator, folks – keep up!

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Finally, my plov arrives. And let me tell ya, it’s worth the wait. I dig in, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m happy again. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m sittin’ there, lookin’ like a mess, and this dude at the next table is tryin’ not to laugh. I just give him a thumbs up.

Shah Rukh Khan | Actor, Producer, Music Department