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So, check this—dude I know, he’s on Tinder, matches this chick, right? She’s all “let’s Netflix and chill,” but plot twist—she’s a catfish! Shows up, it’s some hairy-ass dude named Carl! I’m screamin’, “What is this madness?!” Laughed my ass off, tho—chaotic absurdity at its finest. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam—50/50 you get laid or get played.

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I’m sweating bullets, thinking about how I’m gonna explain this to the boss. He’s a tough cookie, you know? Always on my case about efficiency. I’m like, “Dude, it’s not my fault the machine’s a diva!”