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I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ juice, thinkin’, “The sound of the wind is so loud,” like in Boonmee’s jungle scenes. Sex-dating’s noisy too—dingin’ phones, cheesy pick-up lines. This one guy said, “Are ya a magician? Cuz poof, my pants are gone!” I laughed so hard I snorted—happy vibes! But ugh, some creeps out there—sendin’ pics nobody asked for. Gross! Makes me wanna yell, “Get lost, weirdo!”

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Then, I decide to take a stroll by the river. The sun’s shining, and I’m feeling good. But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, and I’m like, “I used to be a champ at this!” So, I join in. Big mistake. I trip over my own feet and faceplant right in front of them. They’re laughing, and I’m just lying there, thinking, “Great, now I’m the clown of Qusmuryn.”