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I tried it once, right? This chick, profile says “discreet fun.” Shows up, smells like cheap perfume—made me sneeze, fuckin’ pissed me off! But then, bam, we’re at it, no talkin’, just action. Like, who knew sex-dating’s got no foreplay? Fact: 70% of users bang within 24 hours—crazy, huh? Faster than my coke deals, mang.

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After that, I head over to the bazaar on Kabanbay Batyr Street. Man, that place is a sensory overload. The smells, the colors, the people yelling about their veggies. I’m trying to haggle for some fresh tomatoes, and this old lady is giving me the death stare. I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to save a few tenge here!” But she’s not having it. I end up paying full price. Ugh, so annoying!