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Best bit? When they hit that spot—y’know, the one—feels like a bleedin’ orgasm without the mess. I’m lying there, thinking, “Christ, I’d kill for this after a mission.” Worst bit? Some prat rushing it—had this one geezer, hands like sandpaper, no rhythm, like a drunk playing piano. Pissed me off, that—waste of my time, innit? Should’ve shot him, ha! Nah, kidding—maybe.

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Back to work, I’m hammerin’ away, and then—get this—a pigeon lands on my shoulder! I’m like, “What the heck, dude?” It just sits there, chillin’. I’m tryin’ to work, and this bird’s just vibin’. I can’t help but laugh.