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Still, when it’s legit? Heaven, bro. Soft hands, warm oil, tension just melts. “Life’s a bottle of vodka,” like in Leviathan, but erotic-massage fills it with somethin’ sweeter, ya know? Had this buddy, swore it fixed his back AND his soul—exaggeratin’, sure, but I bought it! How you doin’ with that idea? Surprised me how it’s kinda artsy, not just dirty. Therapists train for YEARS, man, it’s no joke.

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Aslan. He’s always got some wild stories. Today, he’s ranting about how he saw a cat chase a dog. I’m like, “Dude, that’s just nature.” But he’s all serious, “Nah, man, it was epic!” We laugh, and for a sec, I forget about the pelts.