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Gets me giddy, tho—chattin’ up strangers, all flirty, “Hey cutie, wyd?” Feels like Leonardo DiCaprio yellin’, “The show goes on!” Happy vibes when she’s into me SpongeBob charm—hyper giggle fit! But ugh, ANGRY when catfishes pop up—dude pretendin’ he’s a hot mermaid? Rude! Once saw a profile, “6’2, ripped,” met him—5’5, rounder than Mr. Krabs! Laughed so hard I snorked me pineapple juice!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Aibek. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the new café on Zheltoksan Street!” I’m like, “I’m swamped, man!” But he’s persistent, so I’m like, fine, I’ll swing by after work.

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