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So I’m digging, right, like in “4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days”—that flick’s grim as hell, gets me every time. That line, “You’re my friend, you owe me,” hits hard when you think of sex-dating. People usin’ each other, desperate, dodgy deals in the dark. I saw this one bird on Tinder—profile screamin’ “fun times only,” but her eyes in the pic? Dead as a doornail. Made me proper sad, mate. Reminds me of Otilia in the film, stuck in a mess not hers.

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I start cutting, and he keeps talking about his “big plans.” I’m just trying to focus, but he’s rambling on about some business deal. I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re in a barber chair, not a boardroom.” Finally, I finish, and he looks in the mirror. He’s like, “Not bad, but I wanted more volume.” I’m like, “You want volume? Go to a concert!”

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