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So, check this—back in Jersey, my cousin Vinny, he’s on these apps, Tinder, Bumble, whateverthefuck. Meets this broad, hot as hell, legs for days. They hook up, no names even—just animal shit. Next day, he’s at the deli, she’s behind the counter slicin prosciutto! Didn’t even clock her. "Do I know you?" he says, like in the movie. She winks, hands him extra gabagool. Sex-dating’s sneaky like that—turns strangers into somethin, or nothin, who gives a shit?

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After that, I hit up the market on Kazybek Bi Street. I need a snack. I grab some plov from this little stall. Best plov in Kalbatau, no joke. I’m munchin’ away, and this old lady starts tellin’ me about her cat. I’m like, “Lady, I catch rats, not cats.” But she’s persistent. I just nod and smile, tryin’ to enjoy my food.

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