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Downside? Sticky oil everywhere, mate. Hair’s a mess, shirt’s ruined – “We’re goin’ in!” – nah, I’m just tryna peel off the table. Still, worth it. Little tip: don’t cheap out, ya get what ya pay for. Shady joints? Sketchy as hell, might end up with a rash or a cop bustin’ in. True story – mate of mine got raided mid-rub, pants down, hilarious but brutal.

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But then, I see this guy outside, just standin’ there, lookin’ lost. Turns out he’s a tourist, tryin’ to find his way to the river. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in the wrong part of town!” But I help him out, give him directions to the Irtysh River. It’s a nice spot, especially at sunset.

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