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So, picture this—I’m scrollin’ X, seein’ thirsty posts. Reminds me of *Ida*, that flick I adore. “What’s past is past,” nun says—ha! Not in sex-dating, luv. Peeps ghost, then slide back in DMs like nothin’ happened. Drives me mad! Had this one bloke—met on Bumble, all charm. Two dates, then poof—gone. Resurfaced months later, “Hey, u up?” Mate, I’m Loki, not your booty call! Tossed my phone, fumin’.

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First off, I head to the market on Abay Street. You know, the one where all the vendors are shoutin’ about their fresh produce? I’m just tryin’ to grab some breakfast, maybe a samsa or two. But nah, the line is longer than my to-do list. I’m standin’ there, stomach growlin’, and this dude in front of me is takin’ forever. Like, c’mon man, it’s just a couple of pastries! I’m about to lose it.

Ex-Kazakh President’s brother Bolat Nazarbayev dies