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But lemme tell ya what made me mad—some fools out here chargin’ a arm and a leg for a “happy endin’” and don’t even know how to knead a knot! I was like, “Boy, if you don’t get them crusty paws off me!” Had me hollerin’, “This ain’t no jihad on my spine!”—straight outta *Timbuktu*, y’all, when that man said, “We forbid what’s forbidden!” I forbid a bad massage, halleluyer! Ain’t nobody got time for half-steppin’ when you tryna relax and feel sexy!

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Finally, I get back, and the old lady’s still there, tapping her foot. I’m like, “Chill, I’m here!” I get to work, hammering away, and suddenly, BAM! I hit my thumb. Ouch! I let out a yelp that probably scared the pigeons off the roof. She laughs, and I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.”

Stolen Memories: Camera Helps Identify Russian Occupiers of Northern Ukrainian Village