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This one time, right, met this bird off Hinge. She’s all flirty, sendin’ pics – not nudes, mind, just teasers. We’re at the pub, I’m thinkin’ I’m in, then she goes, “I don’t do casual.” Fumin’! I’m sat there, pint in hand, like, “What’s original about you?” – straight outta *Certified Copy*. She didn’t get it, obvs. Total buzzkill. Wasted me best shirt on that!

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Then, I get a call from Aigul again. She’s calmed down a bit. We talk through her investments, and by the end, she’s feeling better. I’m like, “See? Not the end of the world!”

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