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About Semey

So, check this—sex-dating’s been around forever, yo. Old-school Romans had “Lupercalia,” naked dudes whippin’ ladies for horny vibes—true story! Wild as my ass chasin’ bears! Makes me laugh, tho—modern apps ain’t much diff. Slide in DMs, pray for nudes, hope they ain’t a bot. Last week, matched this chick—profile said “loves hikes.” Thought, “Hell yeah, soulmate!” Turns out, she meant “hikin’ up her skirt”—FUCKED me up, fam! Had me madder than Hans Landa losin’ his strudel!

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As the sun starts to set, I decide to grab dinner at this little joint on Tole Bi Street. The food is bomb, but the service? Ugh. I wait forever for my order. I’m about to lose it when the waiter finally brings my food. I’m ready to dive in, but then I realize they messed up my order. Like, seriously? I ordered plov, not some weird meat dish!