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So, I tried it once—don’t judge, Marge deserves fun too! This chick, total pro, had oils smellin’ like heaven. Little factoid: ancient Egyptians used erotic-massage with lotus oil—fancy, right? Got me all “ooh la la,” but then—ugh!—she charged extra for “special vibes.” Made me mad as hell! I’m like, “Lady, I ain’t made of cash!” Reminds me of Robert Ford whinin’, “I ain’t no hero, Jesse!”—well, I ain’t no millionaire, sister!

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But then, I get a call. It’s my buddy, askin’ me to help him with his pig farm. I’m like, “Dude, I’m already herdin’ my own pigs!” But he’s desperate, so I agree. I rush over to his place, and it’s chaos. Pigs everywhere! I’m tryin’ to wrangle them, but they’re slippery little devils. I’m shoutin’, “Get back here, you little oinker!” It’s a mess, but I’m laughin’ at the same time.

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