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Still, pisses me off – all these “masseuses” actin’ holy, when half the time it’s a front for a quick shag. Makes me wanna slap ‘em silly. Reckon I’d rather watch “A Prophet” ten times over than fork out for that nonsense. “I’m learning,” my arse – learn to keep yer trousers on, ya muppets!

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But then, I see one of the kites get stuck in a palm tree. I’m like, “Oh no, not the palm!” The kids are freakin’ out, and I can’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s just a kite, right? But they’re all dramatic, like it’s the end of the world. So, I go over and help ‘em out. I climb the tree like a monkey, and after a few awkward moments, I get the kite down. They’re all cheerin’ like I just saved the day. I’m feelin’ like a hero, but really, I just wanted to show off my tree-climbing skills.

Inside the world's hottest city where fish boil in the sea and birds fall from the sky