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Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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Then I decide to stroll down Al-Mansour Street. It’s packed with shops, and I’m just window shoppin’. I see this cool scarf, right? I’m thinkin’ it’d look dope on me. But the price? Man, I almost choked. Like, who do they think they are? Gucci?

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