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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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But then, outta nowhere, the elevator stops. Just stops! I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” I hit the buttons like a madman, but nothing. I’m stuck with Mr. BBQ and his coffee. He’s chillin’, but I’m sweatin’ bullets. I’m thinkin’, “What if we’re stuck here forever? I’ll be known as the elevator guy who never got out!”

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