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So, sexual-massage—s’like, you’re layin’ there, all vuln’rable, and them hands, they knead ya, yesss! “It’s like time just stops,” like in Boyhood, when Mason’s all dreamy—s’how it feels, floatin’, free! Me, I’d be squirmin’, gigglin’—‘cos it tickles, don’t it? Hiss! Ever tried it, mate? Bet ya’d blush, ya would! Once heard this lass, she said it “fixed her soul”—dramatic, eh? But true, maybe—loosens ya up, body and head!

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Next, I head over to the Wakkanai Park. It’s beautiful, man. Cherry blossoms everywhere! I’m snapping pics like a tourist. But then, I see this kid with a kite. He’s running around, and I’m thinking, “That’s cute.” But then, the kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic! The kid’s crying, and I’m like, “C’mon, it’s just a kite!” But I get it. I mean, I’d be upset too if my dreams were tangled in a tree.

Brand-new Pokémon manhole covers coming to Japan’s snowy Hokkaido Prefecture!