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But ugh, the stench of it all—sweaty men, cheap perfume—makes me wanna hurl. Gets me proper mad, too, cos half these girls ain’t choosing it—they’re stuck, like me with a crown I didn’t want. Surprised me once, tho—this one chick, she saved up, bought a tavern. Now she’s the queen of her own piss-soaked empire. “Witness me!” she’d yell, flipping off the world. Love that, I do—makes me wanna cheer, even if I’d never admit it.

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Finally, my ramen comes. It’s steaming, and I’m ready to dive in. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy from the forest. He’s like, “Dude, we need to talk about the trees.” I’m like, “Can’t it wait? I’m in Suita!” But no, he keeps going on about some invasive species. I’m like, “Bro, I’m trying to enjoy my ramen here!”

Japan city education board's survey on memorization of national anthem sparks controversy