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Me, I’d suck at it—limp’s a buzzkill, and I’d diagnose their STDs mid-thrust. “Congrats, you’ve got chlamydia!” Romantic, right? Sarcasm’s my foreplay. Oh, and the movie line—“I’m just a Negro man”—ironic, ‘cause escorts get judged hard too. Society’s all “eww, dirty,” but half those prudes are dialin’ ‘em up at 2 a.m. Everybody lies, even to themselves.

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Finally, we made our way to the riverbank. The rain stopped, and the sunset was gorgeous. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. We sat there, just chatting and laughing. I told Yuki about my matcha disaster, and we both cracked up. “You’re a hot mess, but I love you!” she said. Aww, best friend goals!

Takehito Soeda Shanghai-based regional Vice-Chairman of Sony Interactive Entertainment