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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Larry the Cable Guy – Git-R-Done! – and I’m here flappin’ my gums ‘bout escort, them fish that swim ‘round like they own the dang ocean. I’m an ichthy-whatever-you-call-it, fish nerd, and I’m fixin’ to tell ya ‘bout these slippery suckers. Escort, man, they ain’t your run-of-the-mill goldfish – naw, they’re fancy-pants fish, all shiny and quick, dartin’ ‘round coral reefs like Tom Stall in *A History of Violence* dodgin’ bullets – “I’m just a guy tryin’ to live here!”

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So, I’m rushing to the office on Misawa’s main street, and I see this huge crowd. Turns out, there’s a festival happening! Like, what? I didn’t even know. It’s the Misawa Summer Festival, and I’m missing it! I’m standing there, torn between work and fun. But hey, I’m a supervisor, gotta be responsible, right? Ugh.

U.S. B-1B bombers operate out of Japan for first time