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So, I’m layin’ there, right? Some gal—gorgeous, the best—starts the sexual-massage. Not dirty, folks, don’t get weird, just sensual, classy, Trump-style. She’s got oils, smells like money—er, lavender, unreal. I’m thinkin’, “This is huge, really huge.” Muscles loosenin’, stress gone, I’m like a king—King Donald, that’s me. “A shadow moves,” like in the flick, shadows of her hands, pure art, folks. Got me happy, so happy—angry too, ‘cause why didn’t I try this sooner? Dumb, so dumb!

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I hop on my bike, zooming down Holland Road. The air’s fresh, but my mood? Not so much. I’m thinking about that listing on Strathmore Avenue. It’s a sweet pad, but the owner? Total diva. She wants the moon and stars for it. Like, lady, it’s a 3-bedroom, not a palace!

Japanese billionaire Soi-chiro Fukutake buying up Queenstown property