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What pisses me off? The fakes! Liars sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re shorter than Yoda. Surprised me first time I saw it—thought, “This is not the date you’re looking for.” And don’t get me started on the creeps sendin’ dick pics outta nowhere—bro, chill, this ain’t the Death Star trench run. “Your lack of faith disturbs me,” I’d tell ‘em if I could. Sex-dating’s got rules, unspoken ones—don’t be a sleemo, ya know?

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We push through the rain, and I’m trying to keep spirits up. “Hey, at least we’re not in a boring office, right?” Some chuckle, others just glare at me. I mean, c’mon, lighten up! We finally reach this stunning viewpoint on the trail. The clouds clear up, and BAM! The view is like a postcard. I whip out my phone to snap a pic, and guess what? My phone dies. Classic, right?

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