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Mate, the surprise? Some prossies got stories – one told me she nicked a punter’s watch once, flogged it for a grand! Proper chuffed, I was – love a bit of chaos. Reminds me of that film line, “It’s not my fault” – she’s blamin’ the geezer for bein’ a twat! Fair play, I say.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the Minabe River. It’s super pretty there, with cherry blossoms and all. But, like, I’m walkin’ and suddenly, BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Seriously?! I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” I laughed it off, but inside, I was fuming.

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