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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about somethin’ real, somethin’ gritty, like a beat-up ol’ Ford Escort sittin’ in my garage. Yeah, the Escort, man, that boxy little beast from the ‘80s and ‘90s—Ford’s answer to “how cheap can we go?” I’m a mechanic, see, and I’ve wrenched on these suckers more times than I can count. Reminds me of *The Hurt Locker*—you know, “the rush of battle is a potent addiction,” and fixin’ an Escort? Same damn thing. Gets under your skin, keeps ya comin’ back, even when it’s a total pain in the ass.

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Anyway, I shake it off and head to the Masuda Park. It’s a beautiful spot, right? Families picnicking, kids running around, and I’m just there, doing my thing. I start climbing this old ginkgo tree. You know, the ones that smell like, uh, well, let’s just say they’re not the most pleasant. But hey, it’s my job, right?

Kazuo Masuda Middle School Honors Its Namesake