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So yeah, findin’ a prostitute? It’s a QUEST, doll! Part thrill, part “what am I doin’ with my life?” I’d be all, “This is our island,” quotin’ Suzy, claimin’ my spot in the woods for the deal. *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! Probs exaggerate to my pals later— “Yeah, she was a goddess, 10 feet tall!”—but really, it’s just me, a forest, and a sassy “professional” givin’ me sass. Total riot!

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While I’m slurping, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my noodles. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Y’all need some communication skills.”

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