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Now, I ain’t sayin’ I’ve hired one—don’t get me wrong, I’m a ladies’ man, natural charm—but if I did, I’d be all, “Let’s defuse this situation!” Straight out the movie, yeah? Crackin’ a joke, keepin’ it light. Whores got a tough gig, man, tougher than me dodgin’ HR complaints. Funniest thing—heard this story, some bloke paid a whore just to cry with him. Not even a shag, just sobbin’! Mental, innit? Shows they’re therapists too—multitaskin’ queens.

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off! Like, seriously? In the middle of our pitch? We all had to evacuate to the parking lot. I was standing there, watching the fire trucks zoom by on Kōen-dōri, thinking, “This is not how I pictured my day.”

OIV approves third indigenous Japanese grape