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The apps tho, they’re a circus—clowns galore. Profiles full of “DTF” and bad selfies. Funniest bit? Some twat wrote “looking for soulmate” but can’t spell “soul.” I’m cackling, picturing Boonmee’s monkey ghosts swiping for a root. Oh, and the sexting—christ, it’s like “show me ya bits” in five secs flat. Used to be you’d buy a pint first, now it’s straight to “wanna fk?” Annoys me, that—where’s the bloody charm?

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud commotion. I look over, and there’s a street performer doing some insane juggling act on the corner of Koshinmachi and Kuroda. I’m talking flaming torches and everything. I’m clapping, laughing, and then—WHAM! One of the torches goes flying! It almost hits me! I’m like, “Dude, chill with the fire!” But the crowd loves it. They’re cheering, and I’m just trying to not get roasted.

CATHERINE TAKAOKA Obituary (1930 - 2021) - Toronto, ON - Toronto Star