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But here’s the deal—it’s not for everyone. Some folks are all, “Ew, too weird,” and I’m like, “Your loss, prude!” Sarcasm alert! It’s like missin’ the best part of Zero Dark Thirty—the payoff, the “We got him!” moment. Sexual-massage is that payoff, but, y’know, with better music.

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After that, I stroll down to the waterfront. Man, the view is insane! The sun’s setting, painting the sky all orange and pink. I’m feelin’ all poetic, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, what the heck?! I’m just standin’ there, mouth agape, while this bird flies off with my lunch. I’m mad, but also kinda impressed. That bird’s got skills!

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