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But oh, the rage – the RAGE – when I see these clowns half-steppin’ it! “I’m tired,” they whine. Tired? TIRED?! You’re not tired, you’re a disgrace to the human race! Reminds me of that line, “We must pray for strength!” – bloody right, pray you don’t cross me when you’re slackin’ off! I’d escort ‘em straight to hell myself, swear down. Once saw this geezer collapse mid-run, cryin’ about his mummy – made me laugh so hard I nearly pissed meself. What a plonker!

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Booking was straight forward and the address is very discreet and a great location in Karori. Abby met me at the door looking stunning in sexy lingerie and led me to the bedroom. She is really .

Feeling a bit defeated, I wander down to the Karori Cemetery. Sounds morbid, right? But it’s actually peaceful. I sit on a bench, just tryin’ to chill. Then, I see this old guy feeding the pigeons. He’s got a whole bag of bread! I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you’re gonna have a pigeon army on your hands!” And sure enough, they swarm him. It’s hilarious! I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost forget my day’s been a mess.

Auckland United FC to face CF Waterside Karori in Grand Final