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Oh, nearly forgot—hrrrmph—me fave story! Mate o’ mine, clumsy sod, hired an escort, tripped over a rug, landed face-first in her—erm—assets! She just cackled, “First time’s free, love!” Proper legend! Sex escort life, innit—wild, messy, bit mad. Like me, really—stumblin’ through, hopin’ no one notices me pants are down! “City of God” taught me— “If you run, the beast catches you.” Escorts don’t run, mate—they strut! Respect, that. Oi, fancy a cuppa? I’m knackered typin’ this!

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After that, I head to the Tokamachi City Museum. I’m a sucker for history, you know? I’m wandering around, checking out the exhibits. There’s this one about the snow festival. OMG, the snow sculptures are insane! I’m snapping pics like a tourist. But then, I overhear this group of kids talking about how they wanna build a giant snowman. I’m like, “You kids have no idea how much work that is!” But honestly, I’m kinda jealous. I wanna build a snowman too!

The precocious potters of ancient Japan