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About Osaka

So, findin’ a prostitute—where do ya even start? Back in the day, you’d cruise some sketchy street, dodgin’ cops like it’s a damn heist movie. Now? It’s all apps, cryptic posts on X, coded emojis—eggplant this, peach that. I’m like, what’s this, a fruit salad?! Drives me nuts! I’m scrollin’, thinkin’, “This is not a game, this is my life!”—straight outta Carlos, baby. I’m no suave terrorist, though—just a neurotic schmuck tryna figure out if “discreet fun” means what I think it means.

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First off, I hit up the local market on Kawasaki Street. It’s usually buzzing with life. Fresh veggies, fish, and all that good stuff. But today? It was like a ghost town. I’m like, “Where’s everyone at?” Turns out, there was some festival or something. I mean, c’mon, I just wanted some fresh greens!

Deadly floods, mudslides bring southwestern Japan to a halt