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Oi, you lot, gather ‘round! Sex-dating, yeah? What a bloody mess that is! Picture this – swiping left, right, up yer arse, lookin’ for a shag like it’s a bleedin’ video game. I’m sat here, cackling like a hyena, thinkin’ – what’s the endgame, eh? Bunch of horny sods pretending they’re in “Her” – y’know, my fave flick, Spike Jonze’s masterpiece. That film where Joaquin’s mopin’ about, fallin’ for a sodding AI voice – “I can’t believe how real you feel!” he whines. Mate, that’s sex-dating in 2025 – all fake smiles and digital foreplay!

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I left the market feeling a bit defeated. But then, I heard music. Like, really good music. I followed the sound and found this street performer on Dockside Drive. He was playing the guitar and singing some reggae tunes. I couldn’t help but dance a little. It was infectious! I even threw a couple of bucks in his hat. Best moment of the day, hands down.

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