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About Kyoto

She’s like, “50 bucks, no talkin.” I’m like, “Bet, let’s roll!” But then—BAM—some rando yells, “Cops!” and we scatter like roaches. I’m sprintin, laughin my ass off, thinkin, “This is absurd!”—pure Eric Andre energy. Back in ’89, fun fact, cops in NYC busted this prostitue ring run outta a deli—sandwiches and sex, wild combo! Wish I’d found that spot, fam, I’m starvin out here.

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So, I’m walking, feeling all good, when I bump into this group of tourists. They’re lost, looking for the Sandacho Castle. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just up the hill!” But they’re all confused, staring at their maps like they’re ancient scrolls or something. I try to help, but they just keep asking about the best sushi spots. I’m like, “You’re in Sandacho! Just eat everything!”