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Last week, I matched this chick – bio said “Netflix n chill.” Thought, *perfect*, Loki’s charm’ll slay. We chat, she’s flirty, I’m droppin’ lines like “You’re my infinite horizon” – straight outta *Blue*, yeah? Meet up, she’s fit, but – plot twist – brings her mate! Angry as fuck, I’m no third wheel, love! Stormed off, thinkin’ – sex-dating’s a gamble, dice rollin’ wild.

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Then I bumped into this old lady on the street. She was selling these cute little handmade crafts. I mean, they were adorable! I ended up buying a tiny ceramic cat. It’s so cute, I can’t even. But then she starts telling me her life story. I’m standing there, nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I gotta go!” But she was sweet, so I just let her talk.

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