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Apps tho—modern twist, eh? Swipe right, bang—done. Typed “escort near me”—18 typos, fat fingers. “What bends can’t break”—her profile said. *The Master* vibes, fuckin poetic. Laughed my arse off—space dust humor. You try it—search “prostitute”—web’s a jungle.

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Next, I head over to the Naze Marine Park. It’s gorgeous, with the ocean sparkling and all that. I’m just chilling, taking pics, when I spot a group of kids trying to catch crabs. They’re all giggling and splashing around. It’s adorable! But then, one of them slips and falls right into the water. I’m dying laughing, but I feel bad too. Like, poor kid! But hey, at least he’s got a story now, right?

Last chance to see Naze Tower's anniversary display before it closes for winter