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Now, I’ve seen some dodgy parlours, right? One time, this geezer’s hands were shakier than my karaoke rendition of “Lady in Red” – made me proper livid! “Focus, you muppet!” I wanted to yell, but nah, I’m a gent, kept it cool. Thing is, when it’s done right, it’s like, “How do I make this stop?” – meanin’ I *don’t* want it to, obvs! The pros know their pressure points, hittin’ spots you didn’t even know were screamin’ for attention. Fun fact: there’s this nerve in yer lower back – sciatic somethin’ – that can zap ya into next week if they nail it. Had me gaspin’ once, thought I’d levitated!

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Then, it gets wild. I’m on the 5th floor, and the elevator just stops. Like, dead. I’m stuck in this metal box with a bunch of strangers. I’m sweating bullets. I’m like, “Great, I’m gonna be the headline in the Murakami Daily News: ‘Elevator Operator Trapped, Panic Ensues!’”

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