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Here’s the deal—sex-dating’s messy. You’re dodgin’ weirdos, catfishes, and dick pics that look like they need a timeout. Pro tip: check their profile hard—saw one sayin’ “I herd sheep,” and I’m thinkin’, “Bro, you Ennis Del Mar or what?” Made me chuckle, but I swiped left—ain’t got time for that! Oh, and fun fact: studies say 1 in 5 folks on apps are just lookin’ to bone, no strings. “This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation!”—yep, Jack Twist gets it, man!

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So, I finally get in the water. It’s cold, but refreshing. I’m swimming around, checking out the fish. They’re all like, “What’s up, dude?” I’m like, “Not much, just living my best life!” But then, outta nowhere, I see this massive fish. I mean, HUGE. I’m talking like, “Is that a fish or a submarine?” My heart’s racing. I’m excited, but also a bit freaked out.

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