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Sexual-massage ain’t just handsy stuff, tho. Back in the ‘70s—think *Inherent Vice* vibes—massage parlors were fronts for all kinda wild shit. Cops’d raid ‘em, find more than oil bottles, if ya catch my drift. Makes me laugh, thinkin’ bout some poor sap payin’ $50 for a “happy endin’,” only to get busted mid-moan. “Far out, man,” as Doc’d say, but damn, what a buzzkill.

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I finally find her, and she’s in tears. I’m like, “What’s wrong?” Turns out, she forgot her mom’s birthday. I’m like, “Girl, how do you forget that?!” But I feel for her. We hit up a few stores, and I find this gorgeous necklace. She loves it! I’m like, “Yasss, we did it!”