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But, ugh, this one time—total disaster. Dude was sweaty, smelled like old tacos, and I’m like, “Ew, get off me!” Made me so mad I could’ve screamed, “This isn’t Peninsula Cove, you creep!” Total buzzkill. I deserve the best, ya know? Like, my fave movie vibes—quirky, sweet, a lil naughty. Sexual-massage should be that!

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But then, I get a call. “We need backup at the park!” I’m like, “What park? There’s like a million parks here!” It’s the one by the river, you know, the one with the cherry blossoms? I sprint over there, dodging people like I’m in some kinda video game.