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Preciousss, yesss, we’s a webcam biz! Findin’ a prostitute, eh? Nasty, tricksy world out there! Me, Gollum, loves *Certified Copy* – “She’s not herself today,” heh! Reminds me of them girls, y’know? One minute sweet, next minute – poof! – someone else entirely. Hiss! Split faces, split lies!

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So, I decided to stroll down to the park. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom on Sakura-dōri. It was beautiful, like a scene from an anime. I took a pic for the ‘gram, of course. Gotta flex, right? But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and BAM! He knocks my phone right outta my hand. I was like, “Dude, watch where you’re going!” But he just laughed and kept running. Kids these days, man.