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So, mate, it’s wild out there—profiles lyin’, pics fake as hobbits’ gold! Once saw a lass, bio said “fun,” met her—dull as cave slime! Pissed me off, precious, wasted me time! But then—hiss—found a gem, cheeky lad, quick romp, no strings—made me cackle! “Hurry up, before wife calls,” he joked—dark humor, me likes!

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with the best onigiri? I was hyped for breakfast. Grabbed my usual—salmon onigiri and a cold matcha. But guess what? They were outta my fave! I was like, “Are you kidding me?!” I mean, who runs outta onigiri at 8 AM? Rude!