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“What have you got inside you?”—another *Ida* zinger. Escort’s got no soul, I’ll tell ya that! Basic engine, 1.6-liter, wheezin’ like an old man. Gas mileage? Eh, 30 MPG tops—nothin’ to write home about. But it’s practical, gets ya from A to B, no frills, no bullshit. I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, who’d invest in this relic? Collectors, maybe—some nutjob in Nebraska’s probly hoardin’ five of ‘em! Me? I’d rather sink cash into Tesla, but that’s just ol’ Larry dreamin’ big.

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But then, the night takes a turn. I’m walkin’ back to my car, and I see a stray cat. It’s just sittin’ there, lookin’ all sad. I’m like, “C’mon, little buddy, life’s too short to be sad!” I reach down to pet it, and it hisses at me! I’m like, “Whoa, chill out, cat!”

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