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But—hear this—some swear it’s magic. Releases “tension,” they say—wink, wink. Little fact: them ancient Greeks did it too—athletes, all oiled up. Dirty sods! Gets me mad—why not just wrestle a pig? More fun, less awkward. We hates it! Too close, too slippy—makes me skin crawl.

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So, I get to this job on the Zandstraat. It’s a renovation, and the client is a real piece of work. She’s all like, “Make it perfect!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m a carpenter, not a magician!” But I smile and nod, you know? Gotta keep the peace.