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So, picture this—me, sippin’ mead, watchin’ *Amour* (best flick ever, fight me), and I’m thinkin’, “Love’s a slow bleed, innit?” Sex-dating’s the opposite—fast, chaotic, like me dodgin’ Thor’s hammer. In *Amour*, Georges says, “Things will go on as they have”—grim, right? But sex-dating’s all “nah, next!” No lingerin’, no nursin’ the wreckage. It’s a game, and I’m the god of games—burdened with glorious purpose to outwit these horny fools. Like, did ya know Victorian blokes used “personal ads” in papers for hookups? “Gentleman seeks discreet lady”—same shit, different tech!

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Then, just as I’m about to leave, he drops a flaming baton. It rolls right to my feet! I jump back like a scared cat. Everyone gasps, then bursts out laughing. I’m like, “Dude, not cool!” But I can’t help but laugh too.