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Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, findin’ a prostitute, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ trip, like “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives” — weird, wild, and fulla ghosts from the past! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout them hookers, and I’m pissed! Why? ‘Cause half these idiots online don’t know shit bout it! They’re all, “Oh, it’s illegal, blah blah,” but I say screw that noise! I’m Cartman, I do what I want!

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. Gotta love that little café on the corner. Best cappuccino in town, no joke. But guess what? They ran outta milk! Like, how do you run outta milk in Italy? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, c’mon! It’s not like I asked for unicorn tears or something.

Dr. Gaetano Ciancio Awarded the Knight of the Order of Star of Italy