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Oi, mate! Yeah, baby! So, I’m like this groovy librarian, right, diggin’ through stacks of books, when I get this wild hair up my arse to find a prostitute, shagadelic style! I’m talkin’ “Inherent Vice” vibes—y’know, that flick I’m mad for, with Doc Sportello stumblin’ through the ’60s haze, chasin’ tail and trippy clues. “The past is catching up,” he’d say, and I’m feelin’ it, man! I’m on a mission, baby, to score a far-out chick who’s got that swingin’ street mojo.

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So, I’m walking down Via Monte Napoleone, right? And I see this street performer. He’s juggling flaming torches. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna set yourself on fire!” But he’s all in, and the crowd’s loving it. I’m laughing, clapping, feeling good. Then, outta nowhere, he drops a torch. Fire everywhere! People are screaming, and I’m just standing there like, “This is why I don’t juggle.”

Remembering when the Mets' Paul Lo Duca tagged 2 Dodgers runners at home on the same play